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Thu, October 16, 2008 |
Last Updated: October 14,2008 5:03:25 pm
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October 15th, 2008, By Osama Bin Gossip
Elton John Is Writing An Aids Musical For Ben Stiller
 Nobody finds Aids funnier than these guys The NewsElton John and Ben Stiller to make Aids funny! Madonna and Guy Ritchie split! The Beckhams get robbed! Britney Spears to tell all in doc! Colin Farrell talks about sex tape! Elizabeth Banks has an orgasm! Even more celebrity silliness! Behind the NewsIn perhaps the weirdest decision of his career, Elton John is planning to write a musical/comedy for Ben Stiller. Does that idea not sound fucked up enough for you? What if I told you that it was going to be a lighthearted romp about Aids? Seriously. According to Elton “It’s about a guy on Broadway who is gay, has HIV and AIDS, and has to go back and face his wife and his kids that he left. It’s very funny.” I can’t wait to see this train wreck come to life on the big screen. You can always count on Elton to do something absolutely absurd, can’t you?
Trashy gossip columnists have been predicting it for months, but only now is the news official. The 7 1/2 year marriage between Guy Ritchie and Madonna is finally over. The couple admit that they’ve been faking for the press for a few months to make it seem like the marriage is still in tact, but they aren’t going to pretend any longer. I guess now that Madonna’s directorial opus Filth And Wisdom is out, the material girl doesn’t need a shitty hack director hanging around the house anymore. She can fill those shoes herself. Apparently being an irritatingly gorgeous couple just isn’t enough to keep you free from trouble these days. The British tabloids’ favourite duo David and Victoria Beckham have been robbed. Housekeepers have been stealing items from their house and reselling them on the internet for big profits. The couple realized what was happening when they found listings on ebay selling some of David’s boots and Victoria’s designer threads. Poor Beckhams…you know that they can’t afford to replace that stuff. What will they ever do? Britney Spears wants everyone to know why she went so batshit crazy last year and plans to film a tell all documentary for MTV. Nothing cleans up your image quite like a puff piece documentary…oh no wait, that actually does nothing. Ah well, this girls gotta learn somehow. Provided that she’s even capable of learning of course. Sometimes I wonder about that. Anne Hathaway’s former beau Raffaello Follieri has given up on the possibility of avoiding prison time. The con man now begging the court to only get a 3 year sentence for various charges including wire fraud, money laundering and conspiracy. Nice try buddy, you had your little slice of paradise, now it’s time for you to be the Anne Hathaway for some kind and burly gentlemen for a few years. Ringo Starr told the press that he’s officially fed up with all the attention he gets and will no longer be reading or responding to fan mail starting next week. I’m telling you, the wrong Beatles died first. I can’t believe that the following clip is shear fantasy…what the fuck is wrong with the world? Ever the provocateur, Oliver Stone recently invited both Sarah Palin and John McCain to the premiere of W. Apparently the presidential candidates were staying in a hotel across the street from the theater hosting the premiere and Stone wanted to extend a personal invitation. Oddly enough, they both declined. Hmmmm…I wonder why? Jack Nicholson has been banging young girls like it’s his job for decades now, but apparently the 71-year-old star has decided to call it a rest…in public anyways. In a recent interview smilin’ Jack admitted that at his age it “doesn’t look right” for him to be chasing tail in public. He also added, "It's not so nice when you are 71 and looking for some action. I feel uncomfortable doing it in the limelight - so from now on I'll do it when it's right." I never would have considered one’s 70s to be an appropriate time to come of age…but, here we are. Hey, remember that Colin Ferrell sex tape? Well, the Irish star is finally talking about it. Enjoy his remarks in the following video (no funny set up required. This one speaks for itself). If you’re anything like me you’ve been in physical pain for the last few years because there haven’t been any new films featuring the muppets. Fortunately it looks like this epic tragedy is finally over. Not only is Jason Segal hard at work writing a contemporary muppets movie for himself and various other members of the Apatow clan, but Jim Henson’s company is also planning their own muppet update. Jim’s heir Brian Henson is currently prepping to direct Happytime Murders, a film noir style murder mystery starring everyone’s favorite felt puppets. It’s unlikely that this movie will feature an epic puppet killing spree on the scale of Peter Jackson unforgettable (to say the least) Meet The Feebles…but I guess we can’t have everything. Sigh… Janet Jackson has been canceling concerts due to illness lately and people have been wondering what’s wrong with the world’s most famous flasher. Well, apparently the shows have been shutting down because Jackson keeps getting migraines. Aw…poor baby. You should get Michael to kiss it better. I hear he loves doing that. And finally, have you ever wanted to see Elizabeth Banks have a loud and playful orgasm? Well then today is your lucky day. Director Tony Kaye (American History X) has made your dreams a reality in this short video that he made with Banks and Rogen to promote Kevin Smith’s Zack And Miri Make A Porno. I don’t even know what to say about this one. You’ll just have to see it for yourself.
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