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Thu, October 16, 2008 |
Last Updated: October 14,2008 5:03:25 pm
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July 16th, 2008, By Osama Bin Gossip
Jimmy Kimmel And Sarah Silverman Split Up
 The happy couple is no more. The NewsKimmel and Silverman are over! Steven Page busted for cocaine! More trouble for Spike Jonze's Where The Wild Things Are! Diablo Cody and Steven Spielberg are collaborating! Jolie and Pitt offered $11 million for baby pics! More celebrity shenanigans! Behind the NewsAfter a multi-year relationship in the limelight, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman—America's first couple of comedy—have broken up. Apparently all the fucking of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon has put a great strain on the relationship and the duo have called it quits. Kimmel will go back to slowly killing off his reputation as a edgy comedian, while Silverman will return to her ever-expanding career as the funniest and hottest damn female comic alive. Overweight beer-swigging comedians everywhere officially think they have a chance with Silverman.
The Barenaked Ladies have long been known as a beacon of excessively nice and clean Canadian pop music, but that's all officially changed. Frontman Steven Page was busted in a Syracuse Suburb for possession of cocaine. The 38-year-old clean-cut crooner was found with two women in their 20s and a mountain of white powder. The band was ironically in the midst of celebrating the release of their first children's album…which will probably see a dip in sales shortly. Perhaps it's time to add "buying blow and hookers" to the lyrics of "If I Had a $1,000,000." Genius director Spike Jonze's cinematic adaptation of Where The Wild Things Are has been in trouble ever since the movie went into post-production, but today things have gotten worse. Originally scheduled for an October release, the movie was pushed back to 2009 after terrified children began running out of test screenings. Now the movie has been removed from the release schedule all together. Warner Bros. denies reports that Jonze has been fired from the project and when questioned about the subject studio chief Alan Horn had this to say: " We'd like to find a common ground that represents Spike's vision but still offers a film that really delivers for a broad-based audience. We obviously still have a challenge on our hands. But I wouldn't call it a problem, simply a challenge. No one wants to turn this into a bland, sanitized studio movie. This is a very special piece of material and we're just trying to get it right." Maybe you could get it right by actually allowing Jonze to complete his vision rather than being concerned about how many happy meals the movie will sell. Everyone's favourite stripper turned sassy teen screenwriter Diablo Cody has been hired by Steven Spielberg to write the screenplay for a comedy idea that he has conceived. The project is so secret that only Cody and the bearded one know the concept. This is the second collaboration between Spielberg and Cody who are collaborating on a pilot script for a TV show (based on another Spielberg idea) about a woman (played by Toni Collette) with an identity disorder and a dysfunctional family. Boy, it sure sounds quirky. Hopefully Cody's next screenplays are actually as good as the much over-hyped Juno was supposed to be. Otherwise she could be adopting platform heels and an assuming name like Candy once again very soon. Alex Rodriguez put together a little All-Star party in New York on Monday, the only problem was that no one from his team came. Apparently the Madonna fan just isn't that popular with his fellow Yankees these days (with that paycheck, I can't imagine why). All the Yankees could be found at Derek Jeter's similarly timed bash which featured appearances from Billy Crystal and Michael Jordon. What a terrible time to be the $250,000 man. I guess he'll just have to go home and dry his tears on all those fat Yankees checks and his ever-changing pile of beautiful women. Across town Shaquille O'Neal was enjoying the New York nightlife. The 7-foot-plus former Pepsi-spokesman was out on the town looking for ladies, but according to a spy at Page Six, he wasn't going about getting them in a traditional manner. Apparently Shaq just had his security guards escort particular brunettes over to him from the dance floor throughout the night. Now that's class. Offers for the first official photographs of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's newborn twins have skyrocketed to upwards of $11,000,000. Now there's money well spent. Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane might have mastered TV comedy, but he's yet to master the art of getting a smart and interesting girlfriend. The voice of Brian has started dating Amanda Bynes, the pretty but fairly talentless star of She's The Man and countless programs on the Disney Channel and the WB. Eye candy is fun, but you might want to consider aiming a little higher next time Seth. A man has launched a lawsuit against Eminem, claiming that the rapper punched him in the face while they were using the urinals in a Michigan strip club. Honestly, some stories are so absurd that no addition jokes are required. That shit is hilarious on its own. Comments
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